How to Face your Fears & Conquer them? The first step towards overcoming fear and becoming fearless

I want to share with you the story of Jessica.

Jessica is one of my clients. And by the way, this is not her real name.

She is a bright young, talented female professional, and she is working at a big corporation. And everybody is saying that she is skilled & talented. And her boss says that she is one of his top performers. And almost everybody likes her.

But here is the catch.

Whenever I speak with Jessica as her coach, and she opens up to me, I see clearly that she is willing to do anything, as long as she's not risking losing her job.

And when I pushed further, I discovered that she is not willing to risk her job at this Corporation or any other Corporation because she is worried about her financial security.

This is the main thing that she is always trying to protect. Her financial security.

So, here is the best part. One of the times we were discussing a major step in her career. And then this topic of her financial security float on the surface again.

So, when we were discussing together, I told her ‘‘I don't understand, why are you always worried & tense regarding your financial security? You are far away from having this problem.’’

And then she told me, ‘‘yes, maybe, but I don't know why I have this feeling all the time.’’

And I told her ‘‘okay. Let me ask you some questions, and then we will discover if your fear is true and legitimate and if we should work on it or not.’’

She said, ‘‘yes, sure. No problem.’’

And then I started telling her ‘‘okay, here is the first question. What will happen in the case that you lost your job right now? Let's say that the company came and told you we don't want you. What can happen as the next step?’’

She said ‘‘well, I will go and apply for financial support due to unemployment because we are living here in Germany, and I am entitled to have support for up to 1 year. And with this, I will be secured’’

I told her ‘‘okay, and if this option is not available, what are you going to do? Do you have other options?’’

She said, ‘‘yes, I have savings in the bank.’’

I said ‘‘cool. Is this everything?’’

And then she said, ‘‘actually, I can't think about anything else.’’

I told her ‘‘No. Actually, there are other options that we can speak about.’’

She asked me, ‘‘what?’’

I told her, ‘‘okay, let's move slowly step by step. Besides, the savings in the bank, and besides the government's financial support for one year. You have a boyfriend.’’

She said ‘‘yes.’’

I told her ‘‘okay, so if something happened, then most probably he would support you, and he can take care of the financial burdens that you have until you are getting back on your feet. Right?’’

She told me, ‘‘yes.’’

I told her, ‘‘okay, on the other hand. How long do you believe you can stay unemployed with your skill set?’’

She told me, ‘‘I don't know, but I think that I can get hired fast.’’

I told her ‘‘Yes. So, let us assume that in six months, most probably, you'll find another job.’’

She told me ‘‘Yes. I assume so.’’

I told her, ‘‘great. Then let us move another step. Let us say that all of these options are not there, and your boyfriend is not willing to support you. What else can we do? Aren't you capable of going back to live with your family temporarily?’’

She told me, ‘‘yes, my family is living near me and I can go and live with them there.’’

I told her, ‘‘okay, and if your family is not available because they are traveling or doing something. Can you live with one of your siblings or your sisters?’’

And she said, ‘‘yes, of course, I can do so. ‘‘

I told her ‘‘okay. So, why are you scared? Why do you have this barrier or these worries about financial security? What is this mental picture that you have in your head and is scaring you from facing a financial issue?’’

And then she replied, ‘‘actually after you started asking these questions in this sequence. I don't see that there will be any scary situation if I'm stuck financially.’’

And that is exactly what's happening to every one of us.

Your brain is working hard, most of the time, trying to predict the future. The brain wants to feel fully certain and see the way or the road ahead. And this is unfortunately not possible in our day-to-day lives.

And that is why, to protect you, your brain starts telling you ‘‘okay, do not do this or do not take this step. Because I am uncertain about the outcome of the step. So, it is better to stay in your zone because if you go and take this road, I am not certain about the future, and it's better right now to stay in the known.’’

So, you have to understand that every time that you will be trying to take one step forward in a dark area or a street that you never walked through before, your brain will trick you and tell you ‘‘stop. Stay in your place because this is safer. I know I can predict what can happen in this old area or territory, but I cannot predict what can happen if you go outside this area. I want you safe. I want to protect you.’’

That is what your brain is going to do every time with you.

And If your brain wants to hit you hard, it will always hit you hard in one of your weakest points or biggest fears.

And let us face the reality, each one of us has a specific weak point.

For example, let us take Jessica again, her problem or her weakest point is financial security. But with someone else, it can be something totally different.

It can be, for example, loneliness. That this person does not want to end up lonely.

So, each person has some fears in his or her head. And each person is grading these fears. And there is always one fear at the top, and the rest are coming afterward.

And this one at the top, whenever you are trying to take any uncertain step, your brain will try to swap the whole scene to make the ending look like you are risking facing this biggest fear. Which is not the case most of the time.

If you build upon the example that I just shared with you-the example of Jessica-you will discover that these are all illusions because most of the time they are not correct.

So, here is what I want you to do when you are trying to handle your fears.

First, understand that with every new road, opportunity, or step, you will always feel uncertain. And if you feel uncertain about this new road, you will have your fears. And this uncertainty will trigger your biggest and wildest fear to appear and try to stop you from moving forward.

This is the first thing.

The second thing is, regardless of this fear, I want you to move forward.

After thinking and analyzing the situation and even with your fears, I want you to take a leap of faith and move forward.

The third thing. When your brain starts tricking you and tells you ‘‘I am uncertain about the future. I do not know what is going to happen. And this scary thing can happen to you and your life will be over.’’, and all of these things, I want you to start speaking to yourself and to your brain and to say ‘‘maybe this is the case, but I will handle it when it happens.’’

Do not try to expect bad scenarios. Say to yourself, ‘‘when this thing happens, I will handle it on time when it appears or when it happens.’’

Learn NOT to die twice. Dying waiting for something bad to happen and dying when this thing happens if it happens.

So, whenever you are scared about something, say to yourself ‘‘okay. I know it is scary. I am taking a new step, and this is normal. And my brain is trying to protect me. But if something bad happens I will handle it on the spot whenever it happens later if it ever happened.’’

And maybe this thing will happen, maybe not. Maybe it will happen after one year. Maybe it will happen after 10 years. Maybe it will not happen at all.

So, are you willing to live your life locked in this cage of fear because your brain is tricking you because you are stepping on an uncertain road, and you don't know the consequences?

I do not think that you want to live this life.

And if this is the case, I want you to keep the content of this article in your head all the time.

Sometimes in our lives and to move forward, we have to take this leap of faith. We don't see the whole road, but we believe that no matter what will appear to face us on this road, we will be able to handle it.